On being social

I'm social enough.

That is to say that if I know you, I can probably talk your ear off. Its unlikely that - barring you being much, much smarter than I am about a subject and only interested in talking about that subject - we can't find something to talk about. I discuss some pretty nuanced, pendantic and specific things that I figure most people find boring. So I'm even willing to listen and chat about the stuff I don't know much about just to talk. So I'm social enough.

But I'm not really the outgoing type, if that makes sense.

My number of friends have varied over the years. In college I had a group of about 20 people with which I hung out. My group is much smaller now.

Some of that is life: People move away, have kids, enter different periods and phases of their lives. Generally two people become two different people without much in common any more.

I was just thinking about this last night, before what led to this post even happened: I think I have an innate distrust and discomfort with the outside world. I'm certainly not xenophobic. My support for immigration, et al. and general libertarian nature should put that to rest, I would think. It would explain my tendency to be contrarian, I think, and to favor out of favor things. I'll generally favor the underdog in the fight, all the more if I perceive it as an underdog despite what might be read as top dog status. So for instance, I'll favor something like Microsoft, a giant in its industry, from the general hate and distrust of the company in the public and regulatory circles.

I also hate cultish things. So again my distrust explains my dislike for all things Apple and The Beatles. It doesn't help that many people comprising the cult of those two things are people savoring their uniqueness by expressing their cult love of a million-people strong cult.

And its true that I generally feel at odds, even at war at times, with the outside world. Not in a general way, because I like individuals and I love life and like most people I meet. Like I said, I can talk to almost anyone for hours. I do volunteer work. I'm even considering volunteering to be a pen pal with a child from an underprivileged school, corresponding with the student about books.

So I'm not sure what it is. But there is definitely something there. And its somewhat hidden and locked away. Some small part of me that is, as I said, innately distrustful of the outside world. It's something I'll have to investigate. Hey, maybe it can be part of Better Bryan 2011!

As an aside: I find myself, I know I do, interjecting, or trying too, anyway, a lot of thoughts into sentences through the use of commas. Have you noticed, and is it annoying?